This is a going to be a tough post to write. I am going to share a difficult secret. I hope that by sharing, it will encourage another mom out there who is also struggling and, who knows, maybe this will bring me some comfort too. There is comfort in confession, right?
We have 4 children (that is not the "difficult secret"). Two of our children are biologically ours; two of our children were adopted. We brought our children home from Ethiopia when they were almost 5 years old and 2.5 years old. For the most part they both adjusted to a new family, a new country, a new language, new food, and new experiences very well. However...........................
Our son (who was 2.5 when we brought him home...he is now 6) has had two major issues since day one. Stealing and lying. This past Friday was the ultimate low point for us and his behavior. I got a call from the principal of his school telling me that he was caught in the staff bathroom binging on bags of chips. The chips were left over from a parent workshop day two days earlier. He apparently saw the chips in the bathroom when he snooped in the bathroom to see what it looked like. He went back to class, then at some point, asked to be excused to "use the restroom". He returned to the staff bathroom, grabbed a bunch of bags, and started eating in the bathroom with the lights off, hiding behind a curtain. The principal said she sensed someone was the bathroom (she is also a mom who has that "sense" for things that are happening that should not be happening), heard rustling behind the curtain...and there was my son shoving chips in his mouth.
It happened about an hour before school ended. So, I spent the next hour bawling my eyes out until I had to pick him up...I was so incredibly sad for my son. We had worked very hard on the "food/stealing issue" and I thought it was dealt with.....this was a glaring red flag that indeed there IS still a problem. I was sad because I knew that acting in this way meant that he was still living in fear, still living in survival mode, still seeking unhealthy choices to make himself feel better, still hurting.
I prayed that he would confess the truth to me when I picked him up from school....but was disappointed when he boldly lied about it several times until I flat out asked him about the incident. Only once he realized that I already knew the truth, did he tell me what happened. The hardest part is that he is not remorseful....at all.
There have been so many similar incidents like this in the past and we have done everything we can think of to help him and to help us help him. You name it, we have tried it....some things I wish I could take back. Nothing we have tried has worked beyond the length of time he has been able to exercise some will-power.
So, we are seeking counseling. I didn't want to go to this step. I wanted to read books, read other blogs, read posts on adoption chat groups, but not this step. This step is hard....it is humbling....it makes me feel not so "super". It makes me question....Where did I fail? What have I done wrong? Am I not loving enough? Supportive enough? Encouraging enough? Will he end up in prison some day? Why doesn't he just do the right thing? He knows the consequences in our house for making decisions that don't show love to God or love to others, why doesn't he care? Why does he only care about himself? Why doesn't he care when he does something that hurts someone else? Why am I his Mom?
I was praying Friday night, while walking my dog, and God reminded me of an important truth. My son is not in our family by accident. I am not his mom by accident. God ordained us to be together since the beginning of time. This is not a mistake.
So, I will continue to do my best to love, to guide, to help, to establish boundaries, to fight for what is best....for my son. I know the road ahead will not be smooth, but I know God can heal any hurt. He can heal my son and he can heal our relationship.
One of the hardest things for me to let go of is the guilt....guilt for the days I don't like my son...guilt for the times I feel regret for adopting him (yuck....that was a hard one to write)....guilt for the situations I know I handled incorrectly, guilt for hurt I feel like I added to a boy who was already hurting.
However.......guilt is stupid. It is paralyzing. It does not allow you to move forward. So, I am taking a deep breath and tossing guilt aside. Guilt will not help me to help my son.
I will humble myself and seek outside help. I need to focus on this not being about me, but about my son.....who has the best smile. He is a boy who has endured great trauma at a young age. He is a boy who is broken....like all of us. I will fight for him to be healthy. I will pray and teach him to love God and love others. I will love him unconditionally (even when I don't want to). I am broken...and loved unconditionally by a great Father who adopted me.
Although I don't feel like "Super Mom"....God has created me to be the very best "Super Mom" possible for my son. And for today....that truth is enough.
My Crew
EXHAUSTION!
I am exhausted....as in really, really, really, really, really tired. This has been a very busy "season" of life. My "Super Mom" role is stretched to maximum capacity. In my exhaustion, I am doing my best to approach everything with an attitude of thankfulness. In my exhaustion, I am doing my best not to judge others who are not spinning nearly as many plates as I am, but complain to me about their exhaustion. After all, there are Super Moms who spin way more plates than I do..and they do it with grace and humility.
"Plates" I Spin (in no particular order):
-Wife
-Mother to 4
-Homeschooler (part-time.....my kids attend a school where they go to school 2.5 days a week and are schooled at home 2.5 days a week)
-Working part-time (10 hours a week)
-Soccer mom (including getting 4 kids to 7 soccer practices a week, 4 games on Saturdays, Team Mom for one team, etc.....)
-Cooking
-Cleaning
-Laundry
-Grocery Shopping
-Nurse to my Mom (she had open heart surgery one week ago)
-Starting a church (my husband is starting a new church in our area starting in October)
-Managing our household budget/banking
-Sister
-Friend
-Taking care of my awesome dog
-Taking son to fencing (yes...the kind with swords)
-Helping son with Cub Scouts
-Believer in Christ
A friend told me that I am in the "sandwich" generation, I have a parent who needs my care and young children who need my care. In my exhaustion, there are times when I feel like I am needed by everyone, everywhere, all at the same time. If I listed all of the smaller plates I spin for each big plate (ex: there are many subcategories of "homeschooler")...I am pretty sure I would self-combust. In my exhaustion, I also lose some details of things I do....I think it is a defense mechanism. :0)
How do I cope? I do my best to be thankful...
-I am married to an incredible man.
-I have 4 beautiful, healthy children.
-I get to have time with my kids....a gift that can never be replaced.
-I have a job.
-My kids have interests that make them happy and we can afford to put them in.
-We have food (most of which is healthy).
-I have a home to clean.
-We have plenty of clothes to wear.
-We have money to buy groceries.
-My Mom lives with us, so I can care for her....that is a gift.
-It is a huge blessing to be part of starting a new church that will bless the lives of many.
-We have money that needs to be budgeted.
-I have a brother who is loving and funny.
-I have incredible gal pals who encourage and support me.
-My dog is the best.
-Fencing may lead to a college scholarship someday.
-Cub Scouts offers wonderful opportunities for my son.
-Jesus....sustains me when...............I am exhausted.
A tip for Super Moms everywhere.....we all spin lots of "plates". There may be times when the amount of plates, and the weight of the plates, take all of our strength, energy, and focus. So, be sure to use "paper" plates....they are light weight and don't break when you drop them.
What does that mean? When Super Moms are spinning all of their plates, trying to keep everything going, don't focus on the tasks involved with each "plate" (that makes them very heavy), focus on the blessing of each plate....it makes them lighter. When you drop a plate.....when you forget to pick up snacks for the soccer team, forget to sign paperwork for school, or tell your younger son to wear a pair of your older son's underwear because you did not get to do the laundry yet (yes, this happened in our home this week)....just know it will be okay. When you use paper plates (instead of fine china) no matter how many plates you drop....they will not shatter. Pick them back up, and keep spinning.
A true Super Mom is not someone who never drops a plate.....it is a fabulous gal who admits her limits and picks her dropped plates up off the floor and just starts spinning them again.
"Plates" I Spin (in no particular order):
-Wife
-Mother to 4
-Homeschooler (part-time.....my kids attend a school where they go to school 2.5 days a week and are schooled at home 2.5 days a week)
-Working part-time (10 hours a week)
-Soccer mom (including getting 4 kids to 7 soccer practices a week, 4 games on Saturdays, Team Mom for one team, etc.....)
-Cooking
-Cleaning
-Laundry
-Grocery Shopping
-Nurse to my Mom (she had open heart surgery one week ago)
-Starting a church (my husband is starting a new church in our area starting in October)
-Managing our household budget/banking
-Sister
-Friend
-Taking care of my awesome dog
-Taking son to fencing (yes...the kind with swords)
-Helping son with Cub Scouts
-Believer in Christ
A friend told me that I am in the "sandwich" generation, I have a parent who needs my care and young children who need my care. In my exhaustion, there are times when I feel like I am needed by everyone, everywhere, all at the same time. If I listed all of the smaller plates I spin for each big plate (ex: there are many subcategories of "homeschooler")...I am pretty sure I would self-combust. In my exhaustion, I also lose some details of things I do....I think it is a defense mechanism. :0)
How do I cope? I do my best to be thankful...
-I am married to an incredible man.
-I have 4 beautiful, healthy children.
-I get to have time with my kids....a gift that can never be replaced.
-I have a job.
-My kids have interests that make them happy and we can afford to put them in.
-We have food (most of which is healthy).
-I have a home to clean.
-We have plenty of clothes to wear.
-We have money to buy groceries.
-My Mom lives with us, so I can care for her....that is a gift.
-It is a huge blessing to be part of starting a new church that will bless the lives of many.
-We have money that needs to be budgeted.
-I have a brother who is loving and funny.
-I have incredible gal pals who encourage and support me.
-My dog is the best.
-Fencing may lead to a college scholarship someday.
-Cub Scouts offers wonderful opportunities for my son.
-Jesus....sustains me when...............I am exhausted.
A tip for Super Moms everywhere.....we all spin lots of "plates". There may be times when the amount of plates, and the weight of the plates, take all of our strength, energy, and focus. So, be sure to use "paper" plates....they are light weight and don't break when you drop them.
What does that mean? When Super Moms are spinning all of their plates, trying to keep everything going, don't focus on the tasks involved with each "plate" (that makes them very heavy), focus on the blessing of each plate....it makes them lighter. When you drop a plate.....when you forget to pick up snacks for the soccer team, forget to sign paperwork for school, or tell your younger son to wear a pair of your older son's underwear because you did not get to do the laundry yet (yes, this happened in our home this week)....just know it will be okay. When you use paper plates (instead of fine china) no matter how many plates you drop....they will not shatter. Pick them back up, and keep spinning.
A true Super Mom is not someone who never drops a plate.....it is a fabulous gal who admits her limits and picks her dropped plates up off the floor and just starts spinning them again.
WHEN SIBLINGS FIGHT!
I was asked to share how we handle things when our kids start arguing with one another. I am happy to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of what happens in our home. Please note I have no "official" child development training and any advice shared on this blog is simply that....advice. If you love it...use it. If you hate it....ignore it.
We have four kids between the ages of 5-8. My biological children were 5 and almost 2 when we adopted our other two children at ages 2 and almost 5...yes you are reading that correctly! Through the beautiful world of adoption, our older children are 6 months apart and our younger kids are 8 months apart. When we became a family with four children, it became very obvious, very quickly, that my husband and I were going to have to establish some clear boundaries and expectations for how our kids were to treat one another....before total chaos ensued (we still have a little chaos....that builds character, right?). Here are a few things we have done in our home (through trial and error) to help our kids handle arguments and rivalry effectively.....most of the time..... :0)
1-Nip undesired responses between children in the bud....quickly! If you don't want your kids to speak to each other rudely, don't allow you kids to even sigh deeply at each other. You know the "sigh" I am talking about....the one where one child enhales deeply and lets the air out slowly enough so that the other child knows that the brother or sister is significantly annoyed. The sigh where no words are spoken, but things are clearly communicated. This is the beginning of communnicating rudely.
There was a time when one of our kids used "that sigh" toward another sibling. I addressed it directly on the spot. I said, "I heard you just take a deep breath and sigh, you sound annoyed at __fill in a name__. Can you please use your words to tell me why you are frustrated? Using that sigh is not effective and you sound rude." This opened up a discussion about how one sibling wanted to keep their bedroom tidy, but the other sibling had just left some of their dirty clothes on the floor. It allowed for a conversation where an 8 year old had to learn to be more understanding about the cleaning ability of a 5 year old, and a 5 year old got a firm reminder of the importance of putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket because they share their bedroom with someone else.
If I had not addressed "the sigh", the frustration in the 8 year old could have continued to fester without the 5 year old understanding why....and a blow up could have occured. However, because we addressed it when the frustration was at the level of a "sigh", we were able to have a great discussion, address the issue directly, practice good communication....and no one made a decision that got them in "trouble".
2-Physical fighting is never allowed....ever. Our kids are not allowed to hit, push, pull, smack, each other in anger (wrestling/tackling when they are playing is a different issue). Attacking one another in anger is destructive to their relationships. It is a power struggle where no one wins. It does not exhibit love. It enhances poor communication about the real issues. Honestly, we only really had this issue when our kids were toddlers...and only a couple of times. Our kids have been taught that it is not an option and they really don't ever "go there".
3-Focus on "team"! We call our family a "team" often. We want to clearly communicate that our family has to work together to win together. When kids don't have a sense of "team" in their family, they fight only for themselves. When they have a sense of "team" they are more open to fighting for the good of the family (which may mean putting ones own personal desires to the side temporarily). When I ask, "Who wants ice cream?", all of the kids come running! If I am noticing that one child is getting in the habit of making sure they are first to get everything, I ask that child to help me make sure everyone else gets something before they do (i.e. "Since you are first, you can help me serve your brothers and sister (friends, family, classmates, etc.) by passing out the bowls of ice cream.").
This is another reason why we believe chores are critical for everyone in our family. Everyone has to do "their part" to help our family be successful. I will speak more about chores in another post....
4-Consistency is key. This is one of the hardest parts of parenting....taking the time to sort out conflict when.....I am tired or busy...or running late! There are times when I just don't want to take the time to address attitudes, character, responses to siblings, behavior choices, etc.. It is so much easier to say, "Stop it!!!" and move on. Although that may silence the immediate issue, it does not help grow my kids' character, love for each other, social skills, or conflict resolution skills. One thing I have learned about consistency, is when I am consistent with my kids and my expectations for my kids, issues are resolved quickly for the long-term. When I am not consistant, things are not resolved quickly and we have to deal them for much longer periods of time. This is why....as much as possible (with imperfection)....I try to deal with my kids conflicts with each other immediately and effectively. I don't want to deal with them long-term! And I have to say, that because of this, my kids rarely fight or argue with each other.
4-Remember that in most situations, the kids in your family will have each other much longer than they will have you. As parents, we have to do everything we can to make sure our kids have great relationships with each other. There are few things as fabulous as when you see your children showing love toward each other (without a parent "insisting" upon them showing love). Those moments of love only come when the relationships between siblings are nurtured with clear expectations and moral standards.
Super Moms, may you all be blessed the next time you hear "the sigh" from one of your kids!
We have four kids between the ages of 5-8. My biological children were 5 and almost 2 when we adopted our other two children at ages 2 and almost 5...yes you are reading that correctly! Through the beautiful world of adoption, our older children are 6 months apart and our younger kids are 8 months apart. When we became a family with four children, it became very obvious, very quickly, that my husband and I were going to have to establish some clear boundaries and expectations for how our kids were to treat one another....before total chaos ensued (we still have a little chaos....that builds character, right?). Here are a few things we have done in our home (through trial and error) to help our kids handle arguments and rivalry effectively.....most of the time..... :0)
1-Nip undesired responses between children in the bud....quickly! If you don't want your kids to speak to each other rudely, don't allow you kids to even sigh deeply at each other. You know the "sigh" I am talking about....the one where one child enhales deeply and lets the air out slowly enough so that the other child knows that the brother or sister is significantly annoyed. The sigh where no words are spoken, but things are clearly communicated. This is the beginning of communnicating rudely.
There was a time when one of our kids used "that sigh" toward another sibling. I addressed it directly on the spot. I said, "I heard you just take a deep breath and sigh, you sound annoyed at __fill in a name__. Can you please use your words to tell me why you are frustrated? Using that sigh is not effective and you sound rude." This opened up a discussion about how one sibling wanted to keep their bedroom tidy, but the other sibling had just left some of their dirty clothes on the floor. It allowed for a conversation where an 8 year old had to learn to be more understanding about the cleaning ability of a 5 year old, and a 5 year old got a firm reminder of the importance of putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket because they share their bedroom with someone else.
If I had not addressed "the sigh", the frustration in the 8 year old could have continued to fester without the 5 year old understanding why....and a blow up could have occured. However, because we addressed it when the frustration was at the level of a "sigh", we were able to have a great discussion, address the issue directly, practice good communication....and no one made a decision that got them in "trouble".
2-Physical fighting is never allowed....ever. Our kids are not allowed to hit, push, pull, smack, each other in anger (wrestling/tackling when they are playing is a different issue). Attacking one another in anger is destructive to their relationships. It is a power struggle where no one wins. It does not exhibit love. It enhances poor communication about the real issues. Honestly, we only really had this issue when our kids were toddlers...and only a couple of times. Our kids have been taught that it is not an option and they really don't ever "go there".
3-Focus on "team"! We call our family a "team" often. We want to clearly communicate that our family has to work together to win together. When kids don't have a sense of "team" in their family, they fight only for themselves. When they have a sense of "team" they are more open to fighting for the good of the family (which may mean putting ones own personal desires to the side temporarily). When I ask, "Who wants ice cream?", all of the kids come running! If I am noticing that one child is getting in the habit of making sure they are first to get everything, I ask that child to help me make sure everyone else gets something before they do (i.e. "Since you are first, you can help me serve your brothers and sister (friends, family, classmates, etc.) by passing out the bowls of ice cream.").
This is another reason why we believe chores are critical for everyone in our family. Everyone has to do "their part" to help our family be successful. I will speak more about chores in another post....
4-Consistency is key. This is one of the hardest parts of parenting....taking the time to sort out conflict when.....I am tired or busy...or running late! There are times when I just don't want to take the time to address attitudes, character, responses to siblings, behavior choices, etc.. It is so much easier to say, "Stop it!!!" and move on. Although that may silence the immediate issue, it does not help grow my kids' character, love for each other, social skills, or conflict resolution skills. One thing I have learned about consistency, is when I am consistent with my kids and my expectations for my kids, issues are resolved quickly for the long-term. When I am not consistant, things are not resolved quickly and we have to deal them for much longer periods of time. This is why....as much as possible (with imperfection)....I try to deal with my kids conflicts with each other immediately and effectively. I don't want to deal with them long-term! And I have to say, that because of this, my kids rarely fight or argue with each other.
4-Remember that in most situations, the kids in your family will have each other much longer than they will have you. As parents, we have to do everything we can to make sure our kids have great relationships with each other. There are few things as fabulous as when you see your children showing love toward each other (without a parent "insisting" upon them showing love). Those moments of love only come when the relationships between siblings are nurtured with clear expectations and moral standards.
Super Moms, may you all be blessed the next time you hear "the sigh" from one of your kids!
FAMILY TRADITIONS!
A friend asked me to post about some traditions our family embraces. I grew up with a good number of traditions, and when my hubby and I started having children it was important to us that we create traditions for our family that encompass our beliefs, and some silly fun. So here are a few of our favorites:
New Year's Eve-We all stay awake until midnight (or let the kids go to sleep at their regular bed time, then wake them up at 11:45), drink apple cider in fancy glasses....yes, my real formal wine glasses.
New Year's Day: On New Years Day we open our "Good Memories" can (a coffee can decorated with drawings done on construction paper), and read all of the good things that happened to us the previous year. During the year, whenever something happens that we really want to remember, we scribble it down on a slip of paper with the date, fold it up, and put it in the can. It is fun to read all of the great things that happened to us the previous year. It is also a great way to remember to be thankful for everything we are blessed with!
Valentine's Day: hand-made valentine's for each child and heart shaped food throughout the day (pancakes, sandwiches, cookies, etc.)
St.Patrick's Day: green milk with green cookies.....green anything really
Easter: This is one of our favorite holidays, but also happens to be the holiday that has been so commercialized by easter bunnies and baby chicks, that for the majority of our community the "real" meaning of the holiday is lost. We work VERY hard to keep the real meaning of Easter (Christ's Resurrection) in focus.
-We have an Easter memory game (purchased at Family Christian bookstore) that goes through the story of Easter. We keep it on our coffee table for a few weeks before Easter so the kids can play it whenever they want.
-We do an easter egg hunt using "Resurrection Eggs", plastic eggs filled with little trinkets that help tell the Easter story. We have one set for each child, so that every child gets every part of the story.
-Easter baskets do arrive easter morning....but they are from Jesus (not the easter bunny). If you are a follower of Jesus who has a problem with this because we are sell-outs on the easter basket issue....feel free to forgot you read this idea.
-Since, my hubby and I both work for our church, we are at church on Easter....that's a tradition, right?
4th of July: We all dress in red, white, and blue and go to a friend's house for dinner. Our main tradition is for the kids to get sparklers, and those annoying fire-cracker type things you throw on the ground and they "pop".
Halloween: Our least favorite "celebration"....no spooky decor....instead we decorate with Fall and harvest items. We do go trick-or-treating, but getting 4-kids-worth of candy is ridiculous, so the kids pick their 20 favorite and we donate the rest to soldiers through Project Gratitude.
-Our church has a tradition of doing "Trunk-or-Treat" which is very fun....the members decorate the trunks of their cars and the kids go trick-or-treating from trunk to trunk of the cars (the Sunday before Halloween)
Thanksgiving: Always with extended family.....we write one letter on slips of paper, fold them, and put them in a bag. Then we pass the bag around the dining table and everyone picks a letter. Which ever letter you get, you have to say something you are thankful for that starts with that letter.....it is fun to see our family get very creative with their answers.
-Our family also has a couple of books that talk about Thanksgiving. Each year on the back cover, we all share what we are thankful for and write it down.
Christmas: Our favorite holiday! There are so many traditions linked to this time of the year.
-The week before Christmas, we visit our local Candy Cane Lane (area of overly decorated houses.....my husband wishes we lived there) with friends.
-We have 24 books that all talk about the real meaning of Christmas (Christ being born, giving, family, kindness toward others). We have all of the book titles written on slips of paper that we fold, and put into a basket. Then each night, from Dec.1st through the 24th, the kids take turns picking one slip of paper that tells us which book to read before bed time. This is one of my favorite traditions!
-Advent calendar sleighs: I got these plain wooden sleighs 80% off one year after Christmas at Michael's. I painted each one my kids' favorite colors and decorated them with stickers, sequins, and other notions. The sleighs each have 24 small drawers that I fill with coins, small candies, stickers, balloons, etc....small things. Every morning from Dec. 1st-Dec. 24th, the kids open one drawer on the sleigh.
-We always read the books, Santa, Are You for Real?, by Howard Myra, and, The Story of St. Nicholas: More Than Reindeer and a Red Suit by Cheryl Odden. Our kids believe in Santa....the real St. Nick who loved Jesus and lives with him in heaven. Our kids know the "Santas" they see in stores and other places are not the real deal, but simply men in costumes because they want to remind us of the real St. Nick.
-A note on decorations: We only have a couple of Santa decorations out during the holiday (one given to me by my son who thought the Fisherman Santa was a great resemblance to my Dad who died a year and a half ago...."that" kind of Santa is okay in my book). I collect nativities and have them all around the house as constant visual reminders of what the season is all about.
-Each year I purchase one ornament for each child of something they were really "into" that year and I write the year on the ornament. When they are 18, they will get all of their ornaments and have a lovely collection of memories to share with their families.
Just because traditions....
-No Rules Dinner Night....this is one of our kids' favorites!!!! A few times a year, I make something messy to eat (Sloppy Joes or spaghetti) and we have a dinner where there are no rules at the dinner table. It is gross and not for the faint of heart! Burping, sitting/standing on the dining table, putting ones face into their plate of food to eat, rude manners, etc...anything goes (except passing gas, nose picking, and throwing food....sorry we have to have a "little" class).
-Glow Stick Baths: A few times a year we fill our bath tubs (2 tubs for 4 kids), ignite a whole bunch of glow sticks, throw the glow sticks into the tubs, and turn off the lights.....and the kids bathe via the glow stick light.
New Year's Eve-We all stay awake until midnight (or let the kids go to sleep at their regular bed time, then wake them up at 11:45), drink apple cider in fancy glasses....yes, my real formal wine glasses.
New Year's Day: On New Years Day we open our "Good Memories" can (a coffee can decorated with drawings done on construction paper), and read all of the good things that happened to us the previous year. During the year, whenever something happens that we really want to remember, we scribble it down on a slip of paper with the date, fold it up, and put it in the can. It is fun to read all of the great things that happened to us the previous year. It is also a great way to remember to be thankful for everything we are blessed with!
Valentine's Day: hand-made valentine's for each child and heart shaped food throughout the day (pancakes, sandwiches, cookies, etc.)
St.Patrick's Day: green milk with green cookies.....green anything really
Easter: This is one of our favorite holidays, but also happens to be the holiday that has been so commercialized by easter bunnies and baby chicks, that for the majority of our community the "real" meaning of the holiday is lost. We work VERY hard to keep the real meaning of Easter (Christ's Resurrection) in focus.
-We have an Easter memory game (purchased at Family Christian bookstore) that goes through the story of Easter. We keep it on our coffee table for a few weeks before Easter so the kids can play it whenever they want.
-We do an easter egg hunt using "Resurrection Eggs", plastic eggs filled with little trinkets that help tell the Easter story. We have one set for each child, so that every child gets every part of the story.
-Easter baskets do arrive easter morning....but they are from Jesus (not the easter bunny). If you are a follower of Jesus who has a problem with this because we are sell-outs on the easter basket issue....feel free to forgot you read this idea.
-Since, my hubby and I both work for our church, we are at church on Easter....that's a tradition, right?
4th of July: We all dress in red, white, and blue and go to a friend's house for dinner. Our main tradition is for the kids to get sparklers, and those annoying fire-cracker type things you throw on the ground and they "pop".
Halloween: Our least favorite "celebration"....no spooky decor....instead we decorate with Fall and harvest items. We do go trick-or-treating, but getting 4-kids-worth of candy is ridiculous, so the kids pick their 20 favorite and we donate the rest to soldiers through Project Gratitude.
-Our church has a tradition of doing "Trunk-or-Treat" which is very fun....the members decorate the trunks of their cars and the kids go trick-or-treating from trunk to trunk of the cars (the Sunday before Halloween)
Thanksgiving: Always with extended family.....we write one letter on slips of paper, fold them, and put them in a bag. Then we pass the bag around the dining table and everyone picks a letter. Which ever letter you get, you have to say something you are thankful for that starts with that letter.....it is fun to see our family get very creative with their answers.
-Our family also has a couple of books that talk about Thanksgiving. Each year on the back cover, we all share what we are thankful for and write it down.
Christmas: Our favorite holiday! There are so many traditions linked to this time of the year.
-The week before Christmas, we visit our local Candy Cane Lane (area of overly decorated houses.....my husband wishes we lived there) with friends.
-We have 24 books that all talk about the real meaning of Christmas (Christ being born, giving, family, kindness toward others). We have all of the book titles written on slips of paper that we fold, and put into a basket. Then each night, from Dec.1st through the 24th, the kids take turns picking one slip of paper that tells us which book to read before bed time. This is one of my favorite traditions!
-Advent calendar sleighs: I got these plain wooden sleighs 80% off one year after Christmas at Michael's. I painted each one my kids' favorite colors and decorated them with stickers, sequins, and other notions. The sleighs each have 24 small drawers that I fill with coins, small candies, stickers, balloons, etc....small things. Every morning from Dec. 1st-Dec. 24th, the kids open one drawer on the sleigh.
-We always read the books, Santa, Are You for Real?, by Howard Myra, and, The Story of St. Nicholas: More Than Reindeer and a Red Suit by Cheryl Odden. Our kids believe in Santa....the real St. Nick who loved Jesus and lives with him in heaven. Our kids know the "Santas" they see in stores and other places are not the real deal, but simply men in costumes because they want to remind us of the real St. Nick.
-A note on decorations: We only have a couple of Santa decorations out during the holiday (one given to me by my son who thought the Fisherman Santa was a great resemblance to my Dad who died a year and a half ago...."that" kind of Santa is okay in my book). I collect nativities and have them all around the house as constant visual reminders of what the season is all about.
-Each year I purchase one ornament for each child of something they were really "into" that year and I write the year on the ornament. When they are 18, they will get all of their ornaments and have a lovely collection of memories to share with their families.
Just because traditions....
-No Rules Dinner Night....this is one of our kids' favorites!!!! A few times a year, I make something messy to eat (Sloppy Joes or spaghetti) and we have a dinner where there are no rules at the dinner table. It is gross and not for the faint of heart! Burping, sitting/standing on the dining table, putting ones face into their plate of food to eat, rude manners, etc...anything goes (except passing gas, nose picking, and throwing food....sorry we have to have a "little" class).
-Glow Stick Baths: A few times a year we fill our bath tubs (2 tubs for 4 kids), ignite a whole bunch of glow sticks, throw the glow sticks into the tubs, and turn off the lights.....and the kids bathe via the glow stick light.
PRINCESS Party!!!
We adopted one of our daughter's from Ethiopia when she was almost 5 years old. Up to that point, she had never had one of her birthdays celebrated. So, when she turned 6, we made sure her first-ever birthday party would be one to remember! After coming to America, she very quickly became enchanted by Disney Princesses. So for her birthday, she asked for a Princess Party! It was a very fun party to plan!!!
Invitations:
-I made scrolls by first painting 2 thin dowels with knobs on each end sparkly purple (2 dowels and 4 knobs for each invitation). Then I printed the invitations on legal size paper so they were long like a scroll. Then I rolled each scroll and tied it with a ribbon that had a small tag with the name of the priness being invited.
Here is the wording:
Decor:
-Red carpet (orientaltrading.com) up the driveway to the porch
-we covered our sofa, and coffee table with white sheets
-hung tulle from the ceiling of our living room and the ceiling of our dining area
-we sprinkled silk rose petals in the tulle (that was hanging) and all over the floor
-our big splurge was a "Scene Setter" we purchased at Party City. These are great if you need to cover a large wall and create an atmosphere. We got the Princess Ball Room version and it covered our 8 foot tall, 12 foot long wall in our living room....it really transformed our home into a "castle". It cost $20, but after the party, we hung it on one of the walls in our girls' bedroom.....it is still there 2.5 years later (I call that money well spent).
Arrival:
-It helps to have great brothers who are awesome about playing along....because as the guests arrived, they were greeted by 2 handsome princes dressed in suit pants, dress shirts, vests, ties, and crowns (the youngest brother even wore a pink shirt for his sister...that is love my friends). As the arriving princesses walked up the red carpet to our "castle", the oldest brother would open our front door and loudly announce, "Now announcing the arrival of Lady_______ (fill in the blank) from the Land of ________ (local city)". As they entered our living room, the youngest brother would approach each princess with a small pillow that we tied fancy princess rings to and would say, "Welcome to the ball, please pick a ring!"
-Then the guests went to a small table to decorate their goblet (found 2 packs of pink plastic goblets at the 99cent Store) with sticker jewels. Then, they placed their goblet on the table all set for the Grand Feast.
The guests could also get their nails painted and decorated at another table....a lady has to look perfect for a ball!
Activities/Games:
We played games that focused on each Disney Princess. After each game, the guests received a special gem (a sparkly bead). After all of the games were played, the guests took all of their gems and made a bracelet.
The Games:
Party Favors:
-The bracelets the girls made with their special gems from the games
-Their goblet
-The silk rose from their place-setting
-The glass slipper from the Cinderella game
-We also had a candy bar and when each guest was ready to leave the ball, they were allowed to fill a small treat bag with the candies of their choice. All of the candies were purchased when the Valentine's Day candy was 90% off at Target....I did this candy bar for less than $10.
And they lived happily ever after......
Invitations:
-I made scrolls by first painting 2 thin dowels with knobs on each end sparkly purple (2 dowels and 4 knobs for each invitation). Then I printed the invitations on legal size paper so they were long like a scroll. Then I rolled each scroll and tied it with a ribbon that had a small tag with the name of the priness being invited.
Here is the wording:
Hear ye! Hear ye!
By royal decree you are cordially invited to attend a
Grand Ball
Celebrating the 6th Birthday of the Beautiful
Princess _________
of the Land of _________!
Please wear your most royal gown and have your carriage
arrive on
Saturday, April 23rd
to the Ba****d Castle (address)
The magical ball will begin when the clock strikes 12 and
your driver may arrive to return you home at 3:00.
A grand feast is being prepared, along with many other
enchanting festivities.
The castle must prepare for your arrival so the King
and Queen request your RSVP no late than, April 16th, at ____email/phone_______.
Decor:
-Red carpet (orientaltrading.com) up the driveway to the porch
-we covered our sofa, and coffee table with white sheets
-hung tulle from the ceiling of our living room and the ceiling of our dining area
-we sprinkled silk rose petals in the tulle (that was hanging) and all over the floor
-our big splurge was a "Scene Setter" we purchased at Party City. These are great if you need to cover a large wall and create an atmosphere. We got the Princess Ball Room version and it covered our 8 foot tall, 12 foot long wall in our living room....it really transformed our home into a "castle". It cost $20, but after the party, we hung it on one of the walls in our girls' bedroom.....it is still there 2.5 years later (I call that money well spent).
 |
| This is the best picture I have of the "Scene Setter" in the background |
Arrival:
-It helps to have great brothers who are awesome about playing along....because as the guests arrived, they were greeted by 2 handsome princes dressed in suit pants, dress shirts, vests, ties, and crowns (the youngest brother even wore a pink shirt for his sister...that is love my friends). As the arriving princesses walked up the red carpet to our "castle", the oldest brother would open our front door and loudly announce, "Now announcing the arrival of Lady_______ (fill in the blank) from the Land of ________ (local city)". As they entered our living room, the youngest brother would approach each princess with a small pillow that we tied fancy princess rings to and would say, "Welcome to the ball, please pick a ring!"
The guests could also get their nails painted and decorated at another table....a lady has to look perfect for a ball!
Food:
We had Grand Feast! PB&J sandwiches cut with a princess crown-shaped cookie cutter, fruit salad, cheese platter, veggie trays....all set on my best platters and tiered serving trays.
-I made a special punch to drink from Sprite and sherbet.
-At each place setting was a heart shaped plate (purchased for 20 cents when Target had Valentine's Day merchandise 90% off)....I gave my boys' my "formal" china (biggest wedding registry mistake)...I did not have the "heart" to make them eat on heart-shaped plates, a silk rose, and the goblet each princess made upon arrival.
We played games that focused on each Disney Princess. After each game, the guests received a special gem (a sparkly bead). After all of the games were played, the guests took all of their gems and made a bracelet.
The Games:
-Green Gem (Princess Tiana): Pin the Kiss
on the Frog---I printed a clip art image from the movie on large paper, and lips to "kiss" the frog.
-Blue Gem (Cinderella): Find
the Glass Slipper---I found small plastic slippers (I think they were intended to be used for party favors for weddings) on orientaltrading.com and hid them in the backyard. There were enough for every princess to find one.
-Red Gem (Snow White): Pass
the Poison Apple----Just like Hot Potato, but with a perfect red apple. We had a CD of Disney Princess music so we used that for the songs.
-Purple Gem (Repunzel)-Where is Repunzel's Hair?---The girls stood in a
circle, one girl was “it” in the middle. The guests cupped their hands behind their backs, the girl who was "it" closed and covered her eyes, and I walked around the circle and secretly put a lock of Repunzels hair (yes...I chopped a chunk of hair off of one of my girls' dolls......shhhh, they never noticed) into the hands of one
of the girls. The girl in the middle had to try to guess who had Repunzel's hair.
-Yellow Gem (Belle)-Find The Rose---I printed clip art images of roses and tucked them into various pages of books (since Belle loved to read) and had the guests flip through the books to find
them
 |
| Princess making her Royal Bracelet (from all of the gems she collected during the games) |
Cake: Store-bought "Disney Princess" cake from Sam's Club....cheap and easy. Real SUPER MOMS never feel guilty about store-bought items!
Party Favors:
-The bracelets the girls made with their special gems from the games
-Their goblet
-The silk rose from their place-setting
-The glass slipper from the Cinderella game
-We also had a candy bar and when each guest was ready to leave the ball, they were allowed to fill a small treat bag with the candies of their choice. All of the candies were purchased when the Valentine's Day candy was 90% off at Target....I did this candy bar for less than $10.
 |
| Candy Bar....I created large stickers on Microsoft Word using sticker paper (from Office Depot) for the "Mirror, Mirror on the wall..." |
FAMILY ART!!!
One of our favorite things to do as a family is create art pieces using all of our creative genius (or remedial skills) together for a collaborative family project. We create some sort of a collage, where everyone contributes pieces. Even though everyone in our family is not a thriving artist (but thriving in creativity), we all enjoy the time together around the dining table surrounded by piles of paper, markers, color pencils, paints, brushes, crayons, pastels, etc.. It is especially cool because even Daddy (who does not consider himself the "artist" type) joins in and does his very best. It is a wonderful time of building some great art pieces...and wonderful memories.
To create an collaborative family art piece, all you need is:
-a variety of art supplies (don't spend a fortune....scrap paper, scrap card stock/card board, coffee filters...can all be used for creating things)
-a canvas (use a 40% off coupon for Michael's to get a great price)
-hot glue and regular white school glue to attach creations to the canvas
-it is easiest to decide what to make if the family agrees on a theme...some ideas: flowers, mountains, space, dessert, animals, ocean, faith....the possibilities are endless
-allow every person to create whatever they want.....sorry Moms....no micro-managing on this project. Anything anyone creates is perfect!
See a few samples below of what our family has created.
To create an collaborative family art piece, all you need is:
-a variety of art supplies (don't spend a fortune....scrap paper, scrap card stock/card board, coffee filters...can all be used for creating things)
-a canvas (use a 40% off coupon for Michael's to get a great price)
-hot glue and regular white school glue to attach creations to the canvas
-it is easiest to decide what to make if the family agrees on a theme...some ideas: flowers, mountains, space, dessert, animals, ocean, faith....the possibilities are endless
-allow every person to create whatever they want.....sorry Moms....no micro-managing on this project. Anything anyone creates is perfect!
See a few samples below of what our family has created.
This is the first one we created...it proudly hangs over our sofa in the living room!
Mountain Theme...FYI....that is a bear in the upper corner (not a monkey or a mouse)
Ocean Theme
REPTILE Party!
Want some ideas for a slithering good time for a Reptile party? I hope these ideas inspire you....feel free to use any of my ideas....make them better....and take credit for your brilliance! You are SUPERMOM!
Decor:
-lots, and lots, and lots of plastic lizards, snakes, turtles, alligators, crocodiles, etc....most from orientaltrading.com and ustoys.com
-long, thin green balloons (the kind they use to make balloon animals) with snake faces drawn on them
-lots of dark green, light green, and brown streamers
-a path of various reptiles (drawn in chalk) from the sidewalk, leading to the front door
-my kids drew various reptiles on cardstock, cut them out, and hung them around the party area
-various books about reptiles and informational brochures (free from the pet store)
Arrival: We had a few games ready when people arrived...
-I found a great Reptile Scavenger Hunt on www.superteacherworksheets.com (http://www.superteacherworksheets.com/animals/reptile-scav-hunt.pdf). I posted the "information cards" around the party area and gave each guest a worksheet where they had to find answers to various reptile questions using the information cards
-For school, my son had to create a new game. He created a game called, Snake Attack"...so that was available for guests to play too.
Activities:
-I don't usually pay for entertainment, but this was one party where it was well worth it! We hired a company to bring reptile guests to the party for about an hour...they ended up staying about an hour and a half so kids could take pictures with the reptiles too. They brought about 12-15 critters. It was tons of fun....and educational too! Even the grown ups joined the action!
Cake: I used a friends' round jello mold to bake 2 cake circles. When the cakes cooled, I cut the cakes into various sized arcs and assembled them into a snake shape on a piece of plywood (covered in a plastic table cloth). My sons' favorite color is turquoise, so I created a turquoise frosting to cover the snake. I added stripes with pieces of multi-colored fruit-by-the-foot rolls (also used that to make a tongue) and created a "rattle tail" with M&Ms. I made eyes using gumballs...and added pupils to the eyes with black edible gel pen. The cake was a huge hit!
Party favors: Each guest received a bag that included: an informational story about reptiles (I printed from the Super Teacher website, a snake notepad, and a reptile pencil. Then from baskets they selected one: plastic snake, lizard, alligator, and turtle.
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