BUBBLES, BRUSCHETTA...AND A BROKEN BLOW-DRYER

Today was a "interesting" day in our home. I am always open to my kids trying new ways to engage in something educational. I love when they are super excited about doing something they have never done before! Since I homeschool part-time, we do the typical reading, writing, and arithmetic subjects (in ways that are also engaging...hopefully), but we really seem to find joy in the unexpected, unplanned teachable moments. However, I have found that with many of those "teachable moments" come risks that I have to be willing to allow my children to take. In the unexpected, teachable moments, I am often forced to remove the metaphorical "protective bubble" in which I encase my children. Today was a day where I consciously popped the "bubble" and allowed them to explore in ways where every moment of their physical safety was not guaranteed.

You will understand this photo soon!

My youngest daughter (age 5) takes a cooking class through her school. She is really enjoying it and comes home wanting to recreate the food fabulousness she makes in class. The first day of the class she made bruschetta. I was surprised to discover that she chopped tomatoes and onions. My mind thought, "MY five year-old CUT something with....a KNIFE! Can SHE do that? CAN she do that? Can she do THAT?" I asked her about the safety measures that were in place, and felt a little silly that I did not know about her true capabilities. Why had I never let her cut with a knife? Why did I think she was too clumsy, too little, and too young? I was happy to learn that the kids were not using machetes in class, but instead, were equipped with simple, child-safe cutting tools.

Now, move forward a few weeks to tonight. Tonight was "the" night. The night she would make bruschetta for the family. She cleared a space on our messy kitchen counter and got out all of her ingredients. It was fun to see her work from memory....no list. Tomatoes, onion, basil, olive oil, balsamic vinaigrette, and toasted bread slices. I made it a point to "let her be" and only checked in periodically to see how she was doing....it was helpful that I was making dinner at the same time. :0) Due to my safety concerns (and the fact that we don't have a child-safe cutting utensil), I had her try using a butter knife to chop the tomatoes and onions. Who was I kidding? Talk about setting a kid up for failure! She quickly mentioned that her "knife" was not working. 

I did not want to squash her enthusiam. Great learning can come from cooking! So, I figured my only choice was to "pop her protective bubble" and let her use a real knife. I walked over to my knife block...slowly, carefully....and picked out a......steak knife. Handing my five year old a steak knife just seemed strange. ***Anyone who thinks this was a terrible idea, please don't call child services on me*** I promise, I was as freaked out as you might be right now reading this! 

A helping of steak knife with butter knife on the side...

We went over some safety precautions and I let her loose. I was so proud that I did not helicopter over her, but instead became okay with the fact that she "might" cut herself....a little. She was so happy as she chopped away at tomatoes and onions. She was careful, methodical, and cut (surprisingly) even- sized pieces. She dumped the chopped ingredients in a bowl and added basil, olive oil, and the vinaigrette. She mixed and mixed. Then she carefully spooned the mixture onto toasted bread slices spread out on a nice white ceramic plate. It was a masterpiece....and she knew it!

As she proudly put her plate in the center of the dining table, a very funny image appeared. Also on the table, right next to her beautiful bruschetta, was.....a broken, disassembled blow-dryer. You have one too, right??? No...oh. Well, about a week ago, my blow-dryer breathed its last breath in a puff of smoke and flame of glory. My oldest son asked if he could take it apart to see what the inside looked like. I immediately thought, "What the heck is in a blow-dryer? Is there anything toxic inside? Is it safe for him to disassemble?" I told him. "Sure!", but had every intention of dumping the thing when he forgot about it. He did not forget about it....and I did not dump it. So, earlier today, I made the executive decision to "pop his protective bubble" and let him rip the thing apart.

I still have no clue if there is anything toxic in the blow-dryer. I will "Goggle" it after I am done here. It was fun to hear his excitement as he discovered the inner workings of this hair drying wonder, and talk about the different connections he was observing. However, as evidenced today, he is a great project starter, but needs to grow in the area of project "completion" (it is a genetic defect passed down by his hot Daddy). Apparently, he had not finished Project Busted Blow Dryer and left it in disarray on the dining table. 

Please ignore the sophisticated paper bag table runner...and focus on our "centerpiece".

So, our family sat happily around the dinner table tonight, enjoying dinner and conversation with a centerpiece of bruschetta and broken blow-dryer bits. I know it happens everyday in homes everywhere. Right? Right. Well, even if you don't have a beautiful centerpiece, Super Moms, I want to encourage you to allow your kids to explore in ways that you might not usually allow.  I love my kids. I would die for my kids. I want them to be loving, healthy, happy contributors to society. However, I was challenged today to allow my kids to explore and experience things where they....just might cut themselves.....and possibly be exposed to something........toxic.....ooops.

"Pop the protective bubble" and allow your kids to explore things that intrigue them, experience things that they are passionate about...they may get a few bruises (or scars) along the way, but the learning and love for discovery that comes with it will be priceless.

Off to Google if there is anything toxic in a blow dryer....

DEALS!

I was asked by a pal to share some of my most favorite, "super" places to find deals (or other ideas for budget-challenged families). So here goes...

GROCERIES: We do our very best to eat organic, non-processed foods, but there are some areas where we simply don't have the budget to make it happen (I feed a family of 6 on $600 per month). Below is a mix of where I purchase the large amount of nourishment needed for our family.

Costco:
-organic chicken and ground beef
-butter from grass-fed cows
-organic olive oil
-organic whole milk
-almond milk
-organic bread
-organic carrots
-frozen organic mixed-veggies
-canned organic diced tomatoes
-cheese sticks
-nuts (almonds and cashews)
-toilet paper
-paper towels 

99cent Store: I know some people have bad, preconceived notions about this store.....but seriously go in one time and really have a good look around. They have many treasures! You may need to go to a few to find the "best" one in your area (they do vary). 
These are things that I buy that they always have (in our area):
-bananas
-bags of apples
-bags of oranges
-onions
-eggs
-salsa
-canned olives
-4 packs of apple sauce (with no added sugar)
-Swiss Miss and Nestle hot cocoa
-school supplies (poster boards, pencils, pens, erasers, paper, envelopes, etc.)
-toothbrushes/toothpaste
-plastic storage bags
-hand soap
-band aids
-hair accessories for the girls
-dog toys, dog bowls
-fish and turtle food (we have both pets)
-simple household tools and supplies (screw drivers, utility knives, duct tape, rope, etc.)
-cleaning supplies (sponges, dust pans, dish soap, etc.)
-gift bags, gift bag tissue, cards
-Kleenex
-great seasonal holiday sections

They often have:
-some sort of organic fruit or veggie (I have gotten blueberries, spinach, arugula, and carrots)
-fresh cilantro
-celery
-grapes
-radishes
-Chobani Greek Yogurt (for 79cents)
-crispy bread sticks (with only 7 ingredients....and I can read and understand them all: wheat flour, palm oil, tomato, yeast, salt, malt flour, and oregano)
-Gluten-free cereal
-Gluten-free pasta

Other healthy things they sometimes (rarely) have:
-organic milk
-organic yogurt
-organic salsa

This list does not include all of the great things at the store.....just the stuff that I purchase regularly. They also have things like: bagels, cream cheese, pretzels, soup, condiments, etc.. Give the store a chance!

Ralph's:
-Always look in the "Manager's Special" section...always. You never know what you will find. The best deal I ever found was boxes of Lara Bars....healthy snack bars (5 per box) for $1.79!!! That's right! $1.79 for the box! Usually Lara Bars are anywhere from $1-$1.50 per bar. They had a year before they expired, so I bought all that the store had (27 boxes...see pic below).

My Lara Bar Bounty!

I have also found boxes of organic granola bars (5 per box) for $1.29 and organic loaves bread for $1.50. In the meat section, I have found "Manager's Special": organic chicken, Applegate uncured bacon, and Aidell sausages for super cheap. In the produce section, I have found: pre-cut watermelon, apple slices, carrots, organic salad, packaged spinach and celery. With meat and produce the food is expiring within a day, but if you eat it that or the next it is a great deal!

-Ralph's is also starting to carry lots of organic food for much cheaper prices than Sprouts and Whole Foods.

Trader Joe's:
-They have lots of great prices on lots of things, but my only "must have" from this store is Envirokidz organic cereal for $2.50 a box (over $4 everywhere else)


KIDS' GIFTS:
-If you are in the Los Angeles area, the Mattel Toy Store in El Segundo is a must! They have great deals on certain days where you can get 25-75% off a variety of items. Also....my favorite section....the "damaged package" section. In this section, toys are already marked down because there is some sort of minor (or major) damage to a toy's packaging. AND in addition to the mark-down, they usually also give you an additional 50-60% off!!! I got a $70 Hot Wheel Wall Track with a minor puncture wound in the center of the back of the box for $15. My youngest son did not even notice the box damage...because he ripped the box open anyway! They usually have great special daily deals on Monster High, Barbie, and Hot Wheel toys. The only thing is that the deals are hit and miss. If you are flexible with what you want to purchase, this store is great!
-Another bit of Mattel fabulousness....my kids and I are all toy testers for the Mattel Imagination Center. They host numerous focus groups to test toy concepts, samples, commercials, etc....and you get rewarded. Depending on how long the kids are there, they get free toys and/or gift cards for Target! As a Mom, you get paid in Target gift cards. Usually if I am there for an hour, I get a $60-70 gift card! I save all of the gift cards I get (I let the kids spend theirs) to use to purchase gifts at Christmas. I usually end up having $300-$400 in gift cards!!! It seriously saves us during the holidays.
-Target clearance: Always walk the around the back-side of the end-caps at Target (especially the toy, seasonal/holiday, and home goods sections). There are seriously good deals to be found!
-Michael's Craft Store: This store has a great kids section AND you can always find a "40% or 50% off one item" coupon by going online. 
-Toys R Us, Target, and Amazon online clearance....We got a $30 game of LIFE (iPad version) for $12.50, super cute sparkly girly shoes for $2.25, KNEX basic building kits for $12 shipped, travel board game for $4, and more.  

EATING OUT:
-We don't eat out much....unless we have a gift card. Most fast food places completely gross us out (watch any food documentary and you will see why), so we don't eat at those places either. The "one" place we do eat 1-2 times a month (totally unhealthy, processed food junk...but cheap), is Little Caesar's Pizza. I can feed my family two pizzas and it only costs us $10 total. 

Other money savers:
-I make my own household cleaner using vinegar and Dawn dish soap
-I make my own laundry detergent (using this recipe http://duggarsblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/duggar-recipe-liquid-laundry-soap.html

*****NOTE!....I am not nearly as domesticated as the two things listed above make me sound......although I do hope to add homemade shampoo to the list soon! :0) *****

-Couponing.....wonderful deals are to be had if you have time to coupon. I have a friend who gets all sorts of things for free! However, I have never been able to get the hang of it, and do not have the desire/energy/time to figure it out. However, if you can do it, go for it!!!

Super Moms, with a little flexibility and searching you can find amazing deals to make every one of your super pennies stretch to its fullest potential! Do you have any super, money saving deals? SHARE!

GOOD INTENTIONS AND.....POPCORN FIGHTS!!!

My kids attend a very engaging," project-based", charter school that combines a classroom setting (2 days a week), homeschooling (2.5 days a week), and a 1/2 day of enrichment classes (Minecraft, chess, cooking, sports, art, Legos, robotics, etc.) 

A few weeks ago I was asked by staff at the school to speak at an upcoming workshop for parents. I was surprised to be invited to speak at the event. Although, we do some fun things as a family on our homeschool days, I don't consider myself well-versed in all things "project-based". I never thought I would be a homeschooler, and am just 2.5 years into this journey. However, I figured if another parent would be encouraged by my journey, ideas, and inspirations...well than I should probably go ahead and speak at the event. SO....last night I spoke at the workshop on "Project-Based Learning at Home". Along with sharing our family's journey and project ideas, I made it a point to encourage parents to be okay with their plans not going as expected....

Well....THIS is what happened today during homeschooling....

My two 3rd graders are doing a major focus on Mars in their class. So to support their learning at home, I bought a rocket kit at Michael's Art Store that involved using vinegar and baking soda to make the rocket blast off. My hopes were that we could measure the duration of time the rocket flew (from launch to landing) and analyze the data with line plot graphs. Well........we tried launching the thing eight times today.....epic failure. We only got it to launch three times, and the highest it went was about 1 foot. Then, I quickly looked up "rocket blasting" ideas on youtube and we tried an "easy", DIY rocket with a water bottle (and vinegar and baking soda).....another epic failure. Lastly, we resorted to using an air paper rocket thing we already had. It mostly worked. Sorta....kinda. Almost. We did all of that from 9:30am-1pm! At about 1:30 my kids and I were finally all sitting around the dining table "doing" some school work. The kids were munching on a large bowl of popcorn that was on the table. My oldest daughter asked if someone could hand her some popcorn. So...with my best decision-making skills in place...I took a handful...and threw it at her! I don't know what came over me. I think the many failed rocket launches somehow caused a moment of delirium. She looked at me like I was crazy! My other three children also froze and looked at me. A wide grin stretched across my face.....and a popcorn food fight ensued (I really got them!). It was flying everywhere and the kids were cracking up over their dream-come-true! A real food fight, in our real dining area, in OUR house! The decision-making got even better when I remembered that my husband was working in our home office, so the kids and I grabbed handfuls of popcorn and ambushed him too! It was complete madness! After calming down and cleaning up our mess, we ended the day with reading....and called our homeschool day done! 

I SO wish I had this story to tell last night at the workshop!

-Rocket failure.....but learned lots about trouble-shooting and perseverance (the kids did manage to make a line plot with some of the info they collected)
-Pop corn fight.....was some much needed stress relief and added tons of laughter to our day

That's what I get for making it a point at the workshop to encourage parents to be okay with their plans not going as expected!!!!

Super moms, may your best laid plans and beautiful intentions be appreciated 
always. And....if by chance....things don't go as planned....THROW POPCORN!!!

Stupid rocket thing....

VALENTINE'S DAY at SCHOOL IDEAS!

Although we do our best celebrate the "love" every day in our home, we do a few special things to celebrate Valentine's Day. It is a day to really focus on the blessings of our relationships. A few of our traditions are:

-My hubby and I make hand-made valentines for each of our kids and place them just outside their bedroom door on V-day morning.
-We eat on heart-shaped plates (I got them 90% off one year at Target after V-day was over)
-Breakfast: Heart-shaped pancakes or egg-in-a-hole with a heart cut out of the center of the bread
-Some sort of family-fun activity......my hubby and I usually do our Valentine's Day date on a day other than V-Day to avoid crowds.....plus we are pretty good at showing our love for each other throughout the year. :0)

For our kids' classmates/teachers:
-Super moms.....hear this......store bought Valentines are great! If you are strapped for time, avoid looking at Pinterest! Pinterest has the unique ability to make moms feel like failures when it comes to holidays and special occasions!
-If.....if.....if you go on to Pinterest and search for V-day ideas, steal the ideas......and make them realistic! That is what I did this year. My kids and I looked at some super, cute, time-eating, creative Valentine card creations.....however, I was just not interested in putting that much time into things kids are likely going to toss anyway. So, we stole ideas and made them realistic! Here are what my kids created this year....

 My daughter made a simple Rainbow Loom bracelet 

for each of her classmates and we made a simple tag on 

the computer (pinterest had this type of valentine with tags 

that included multi-layers of colorful paper, fancy fonts, 

and beautiful ribbons). 

 One of my kindergartners made this simple tag on a pink 

index card. We borrowed the wording from pinterest!

 My 3rd grade son made this for his teacher using a 

white index card and Disney pencils 

(his teacher loves all things Disney).

 My 3rd grade son's class is learning about space,

so he made these space-themed valentines for his 

classmates. We found the super bounce balls at the 

99cent Store (a four pack) and used black card stock. 

He wrote each message with a silver gel pen.

My kindergartner daughter made this for her 

teacher. Super simple! We cut her hand-print out 

of construction paper, glued two fingers down to 

say, "I love you", glued the hand to a popsicle stick,

and stuck it in a red bell pepper (her teacher 

prefers red bell peppers over apples...lol)

Super moms, Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate the love of the relationships we all have. You give, and give, and give love in so many ways to everyone around you. I hope this Valentine's Day, you know how precious you are to those you love!

THE BLESSING OF BEING HUMBLED

A while back I posted about a real, difficult struggle our family was dealing with. I wish I could say that things got easier after my post. I wish I could say that we now live in the land of "rainbows and unicorns". However, even with the advice of counselors, things got worse. After tons of research, advice, and prayers, we have had to come face-to-face with the fact that we believe our youngest son has Reactive Attachment Disorder. It is one of the things that adoptive parents pray never enters their family. We have learned that.....it effects many adoptive families. 

I am not sure why I was not better prepared for this possibility before completing our adoption process. Maybe I was so confident that "it would not happen to us".....I am a "super mom" after all....that I did not study up on it as much as I should. Maybe our adoption agency didn't talk about it much because they feared that less people will adopt if they knew the "real" possibilities of what challenges my enter their home. Maybe adoptive families did not talk about it much because they felt ashamed or guilty that they had done something wrong.

However, over the last six months of diving in to the world of RAD, I have read countless Facebook, blog, and chat group entries from families all struggling with children who have R.A.D.. It is an absolutely exhausting disorder that impacts the entire family. I have never known exhaustion or frustration on the level that I do now. 

It has been a humbling experience to admit that, although I think I am a pretty, darn, good mom.....I don't have a clue on how to handle a child with R.A.D.. I have beat my head against walls, collapsed to the floor in tears, raised my angry fists in the air, and had moments of helplessness and hopelessness for my adorable, beloved son.

We are still dealing with helping our son explore his own fears and sadness in healthy ways. I am still learning parenting strategies that will promote an environment where my son feels safe and encourage real, sincere bonding between the two of us. It is still very difficult. It is still exhausting. A book that has revolutionized my parenting though in the last month is, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors, by Heather Forbes. It has opened my eyes.....and heart......to see my son in a new way. I am hopeful that we are on a path that will lead to real healing.

Through this humbling season, I have seen blessings. I know I am a "super mom" for my son because of the courage I have had to muster to admit that I needed help. That simple, but hard step has opened the door for me to:

-embrace and be embraced by a community of parents dealing with the same struggle.....adoptive parents are rock stars! 
-grow in my parenting of ALL of my children
-become a support to other moms struggling with all sorts of things
-helped me to become more compassionate
-helped me to see how conditional my love can be....and how to become more intentially unconditional.
-know I am not alone or a failure.
-know there is hope for my son.

So "Super Moms", always remember to look for the great blessings in the incredibly hard moments. They are there. Don't allow your frustration or exhaustion to blind you from seeing the blessings. Allow the hard times to keep you humble in your "superness". For when you are humble AND super, you are in the perfect position to see all of blessings surrounding you.

EEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

We took some family pictures (first time in 3 years) and had a wonderful time with a wonderful photographer. Among the beautiful individual shots of the kids, the great candid photos, and the staged family pics, the photographer told my hubby and I to KISS.....and captured the most fabulous moment ever.... 

If I had to add captions, they would say:

(left to right)
"My eyes! My eyes are burning!"
"This is disgustingly fabulous!"
"I can't stop watching, but wish I could!"

"Bleh! I am scarred for life! Jesus come quickly!!!"

The truth is our kids ask us to kiss on a regular basis just so they can make these types of expressions. They love being "grossed-out" at the love my hubby and I have for each  other. Despite the craziness of our day-to-day lives, our kids know, Mom and Dad love each other and THAT is an incredible gift we can give to them. Super Moms, make sure you take some time to give your hubby some P.D.A. in front of the kids.....they may act disgusted.....but secretly they love it.

P.S. This amazing pic was taken by Stacee Lianna (http://staceelianna.com/). She is insanely talented! 

"DATING" OUR KIDS and BIRTHDAY TRADITIONS

We make birthdays a big deal for our kids. It is a day to focus just on them....a day where they are treated with special care and attention. With four kids in our home, there is rarely time for one-on-one time with each child. We have had great intentions to schedule one-on-one time, but it has not happened. I have heard of parents who go on "dates" with their kids, but honestly, that word has always bothered me. "Dates" have a romantic conotation. I date my hubby.....not my kids (although I completely understand the innocent intention of the whole thing). If we have time to go on a date....that date is with my hubby because we believe it is critical for our kids to know that Mommy and Daddy work hard to make our relationship great and despite our crazy lives, we love each other very much.

We have lots of joyous time together as a family, but one-on-one time with each child is rare.....other than running errands occasionally. There are times I will take only one kiddo with me to Target or the grocery store so that we can have some time alone together (it is not glamorous, but functional).

So, birthdays are a big deal. Here are a few of our favorite traditions:

-Kids wake up in the morning to gifts and balloons in their favorite color (one balloon for each year....my oldest son just turned 9, so he woke up to 9 turquoise balloons).

-Kids get to pick what our family eats for one meal during the day.....some "super moms" allow their kids to pick what the family eats for all 3 meals during the day.....but I am not that "super".  :0)

-Our kids get parties where they only invite their closest friends. We don't do parties where we invite their entire class, because we have found that the focus becomes less about our child and more about entertaining the masses. We budget all year for parties and try to keep them under $150.

-During the week of each kiddo's birthday, we will take cupcakes to school, sports practices/games, and other outings to extend the celebration beyond just their birth"day". We don't worry about the amount of sugar being consumed this week (we are very sugar-conscious the rest of the year though).

I would love to hear what birthday traditions other "Super Moms" have!

WHEN I DON'T FEEL LIKE SUPERMOM...

This is a going to be a tough post to write. I am going to share a difficult secret. I hope that by sharing, it will encourage another mom out there who is also struggling and, who knows, maybe this will bring me some comfort too. There is comfort in confession, right?

We have 4 children (that is not the "difficult secret"). Two of our children are biologically ours; two of our children were adopted. We brought our children home from Ethiopia when they were almost 5 years old and 2.5 years old. For the most part they both adjusted to a new family, a new country, a new language, new food, and new experiences very well. However...........................

Our son (who was 2.5 when we brought him home...he is now 6) has had two major issues since day one. Stealing and lying. This past Friday was the ultimate low point for us and his behavior. I got a call from the principal of his school telling me that he was caught in the staff bathroom binging on bags of chips. The chips were left over from a parent workshop day two days earlier. He apparently saw the chips in the bathroom when he snooped in the bathroom to see what it looked like.  He went back to class, then at some point, asked to be excused to "use the restroom". He returned to the staff bathroom, grabbed a bunch of bags, and started eating in the bathroom with the lights off, hiding behind a curtain. The principal said she sensed someone was the bathroom (she is also a mom who has that "sense" for things that are happening that should not be happening), heard rustling behind the curtain...and there was my son shoving chips in his mouth. 

It happened about an hour before school ended. So, I spent the next hour bawling my eyes out until I had to pick him up...I was so incredibly sad for my son. We had worked very hard on the "food/stealing issue" and I thought it was dealt with.....this was a glaring red flag that indeed there IS still a problem. I was sad because I knew that acting in this way meant that he was still living in fear, still living in survival mode, still seeking unhealthy choices to make himself feel better, still hurting.

I prayed that he would confess the truth to me when I picked him up from school....but was disappointed when he boldly  lied about it several times until I flat out asked him about the incident. Only once he realized that I already knew the truth, did he tell me what happened. The hardest part is that he is not remorseful....at all.

There have been so many similar incidents like this in the past and we have done everything we can think of to help him and to help us help him. You name it, we have tried it....some things I wish I could take back. Nothing we have tried has worked beyond the length of time he has been able to exercise some will-power.

So, we are seeking counseling. I didn't want to go to this step. I wanted to read books, read other blogs, read posts on adoption chat groups, but not this step. This step is hard....it is humbling....it makes me feel not so "super". It makes me question....Where did I fail? What have I done wrong? Am I not loving enough? Supportive enough? Encouraging enough? Will he end up in prison some day? Why doesn't he just do the right thing? He knows the consequences in our house for making decisions that don't show love to God or love to others, why doesn't he care? Why does he only care about himself? Why doesn't he care when he does something that hurts someone else? Why am I his Mom?

I was praying Friday night, while walking my dog, and God reminded me of an important truth. My son is not in our family by accident. I am not his mom by accident. God ordained us to be together since the beginning of time. This is not a mistake. 

So, I will continue to do my best to love, to guide, to help, to establish boundaries, to fight for what is best....for my son. I know the road ahead will not be smooth, but I know God can heal any hurt. He can heal my son and he can heal our relationship.

One of the hardest things for me to let go of is the guilt....guilt for the days I don't like my son...guilt for the times I feel regret for adopting him (yuck....that was a hard one to write)....guilt for the situations I know I handled incorrectly, guilt for hurt I feel like I added to a boy who was already hurting.

However.......guilt is stupid. It is paralyzing. It does not allow you to move forward. So, I am taking a deep breath and tossing guilt aside. Guilt will not help me to help my son. 

I will humble myself and seek outside help. I need to focus on this not being about me, but about my son.....who has the best smile. He is a boy who has endured great trauma at a young age. He is a boy who is broken....like all of us. I will fight for him to be healthy. I will pray and teach him to love God and love others. I will love him unconditionally (even when I don't want to). I am broken...and loved unconditionally by a great Father who adopted me. 

Although I don't feel like "Super Mom"....God has created me to be the very best "Super Mom" possible for my son. And for today....that truth is enough.

EXHAUSTION!

I am exhausted....as in really, really, really, really, really tired. This has been a very busy "season" of life. My "Super Mom" role is stretched to maximum capacity. In my exhaustion, I am doing my best to approach everything with an attitude of thankfulness. In my exhaustion, I am doing my best not to judge others who are not spinning nearly as many plates as I am, but complain to me about their exhaustion. After all, there are Super Moms who spin way more plates than I do..and they do it with grace and humility. 

"Plates" I Spin (in no particular order):
-Wife
-Mother to 4
-Homeschooler (part-time.....my kids attend a school where they go to school 2.5 days a week and are schooled at home 2.5 days a week)
-Working part-time (10 hours a week)
-Soccer mom (including getting 4 kids to 7 soccer practices a week, 4 games on Saturdays, Team Mom for one team, etc.....)
-Cooking
-Cleaning
-Laundry
-Grocery Shopping
-Nurse to my Mom (she had open heart surgery one week ago)
-Starting a church (my husband is starting a new church in our area starting in October)
-Managing our household budget/banking
-Sister
-Friend
-Taking care of my awesome dog
-Taking son to fencing (yes...the kind with swords)
-Helping son with Cub Scouts
-Believer in Christ

A friend told me that I am in the "sandwich" generation, I have a parent who needs my care and young children who need my care. In my exhaustion, there are times when I feel like I am needed by everyone, everywhere, all at the same time. If I listed all of the smaller plates I spin for each big plate (ex: there are many subcategories of "homeschooler")...I am pretty sure I would self-combust. In my exhaustion, I also lose some details of things I do....I think it is a defense mechanism. :0)

How do I cope? I do my best to be thankful...
-I am married to an incredible man.
-I have 4 beautiful, healthy children.
-I get to have time with my kids....a gift that can never be replaced.
-I have a job.
-My kids have interests that make them happy and we can afford to put them in.
-We have food (most of which is healthy).
-I have a home to clean.
-We have plenty of clothes to wear.
-We have money to buy groceries.
-My Mom lives with us, so I can care for her....that is a gift.
-It is a huge blessing to be part of starting a new church that will bless the lives of many.
-We have money that needs to be budgeted.
-I have a brother who is loving and funny.
-I have incredible gal pals who encourage and support me.
-My dog is the best.
-Fencing may lead to a college scholarship someday.
-Cub Scouts offers wonderful opportunities for my son.
-Jesus....sustains me when...............I am exhausted.

A tip for Super Moms everywhere.....we all spin lots of "plates". There may be times when the amount of plates, and the weight of the plates, take all of our strength, energy, and focus. So, be sure to use "paper" plates....they are light weight and don't break when you drop them.

What does that mean? When Super Moms are spinning all of their plates, trying to keep everything going, don't focus on the tasks involved with each "plate" (that makes them very heavy), focus on the blessing of each plate....it makes them lighter. When you drop a plate.....when you forget to pick up snacks for the soccer team, forget to sign paperwork for school, or tell your younger son to wear a pair of your older son's underwear because you did not get to do the laundry yet (yes, this happened in our home this week)....just know it will be okay. When you use paper plates (instead of fine china) no matter how many plates you drop....they will not shatter. Pick them back up, and keep spinning. 

A true Super Mom is not someone who never drops a plate.....it is a fabulous gal who admits her limits and picks her dropped plates up off the floor and just starts spinning them again.

WHEN SIBLINGS FIGHT!

I was asked to share how we handle things when our kids start arguing with one another. I am happy to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of what happens in our home. Please note I have no "official" child development training and any advice shared on this blog is simply that....advice. If you love it...use it. If you hate it....ignore it. 

We have four kids between the ages of 5-8. My biological children were 5 and almost 2 when we adopted our other two children at ages 2 and almost 5...yes you are reading that correctly! Through the beautiful world of adoption, our older children are 6 months apart and our younger kids are 8 months apart. When we became a family with four children, it became very obvious, very quickly, that my husband and I were going to have to establish some clear boundaries and expectations for how our kids were to treat one another....before total chaos ensued (we still have a little chaos....that builds character, right?). Here are a few things we have done in our home (through trial and error) to help our kids handle arguments and rivalry effectively.....most of the time..... :0)

1-Nip undesired responses between children in the bud....quickly! If you don't want your kids to speak to each other rudely, don't allow you kids to even sigh deeply at each other. You know the "sigh" I am talking about....the one where one child enhales deeply and lets the air out slowly enough so that the other child knows that the brother or sister is significantly annoyed. The sigh where no words are spoken, but things are clearly communicated. This is the beginning of communnicating rudely.

There was a time when one of our kids used "that sigh" toward another sibling. I addressed it directly on the spot. I said, "I heard you just take a deep breath and sigh, you sound annoyed at __fill in a name__. Can you please use your words to tell me why you are frustrated? Using that sigh is not effective and you sound rude." This opened up a discussion about how one sibling wanted to keep their bedroom tidy, but the other sibling had just left some of their dirty clothes on the floor. It allowed for a conversation where an 8 year old had to learn to be more understanding about the cleaning ability of a 5 year old, and a 5 year old got a firm reminder of the importance of putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket because they share their bedroom with someone else.

If I had not addressed "the sigh", the frustration in the 8 year old could have continued to fester without the 5 year old understanding why....and a blow up could have occured. However, because we addressed it when the frustration was at the level of a "sigh", we were able to have a great discussion, address the issue directly, practice good communication....and no one made a decision that got them in "trouble".

2-Physical fighting is never allowed....ever. Our kids are not allowed to hit, push, pull, smack, each other in anger (wrestling/tackling when they are playing is a different issue). Attacking one another in anger is destructive to their relationships. It is a power struggle where no one wins. It does not exhibit love. It enhances poor communication about the real issues. Honestly, we only really had this issue when our kids were toddlers...and only a couple of times. Our kids have been taught that it is not an option and they really don't ever "go there".

3-Focus on "team"! We call our family a "team" often. We want to clearly communicate that our family has to work together to win together. When kids don't have a sense of "team" in their family, they fight only for themselves. When they have a sense of "team" they are more open to fighting for the good of the family (which may mean putting ones own personal desires to the side temporarily). When I ask, "Who wants ice cream?", all of the kids come running! If I am noticing that one child is getting in the habit of making sure they are first to get everything, I ask that child to help me make sure everyone else gets something before they do (i.e. "Since you are first, you can help me serve your brothers and sister (friends, family, classmates, etc.) by passing out the bowls of ice cream.").

This is another reason why we believe chores are critical for everyone in our family. Everyone has to do "their part" to help our family be successful. I will speak more about chores in another post....

4-Consistency is key. This is one of the hardest parts of parenting....taking the time to sort out conflict when.....I am tired or busy...or running late! There are times when I just don't want to take the time to address attitudes, character, responses to siblings, behavior choices, etc.. It is so much easier to say, "Stop it!!!" and move on. Although that may silence the immediate issue, it does not help grow my kids' character, love for each other, social skills, or conflict resolution skills. One thing I have learned about consistency, is when I am consistent with my kids and my expectations for my kids, issues are resolved quickly for the long-term. When I am not consistant, things are not resolved quickly and we have to deal them for much longer periods of time. This is why....as much as possible (with imperfection)....I try to deal with my kids conflicts with each other immediately and effectively. I don't want to deal with them long-term! And I have to say, that because of this, my kids rarely fight or argue with each other.

4-Remember that in most situations, the kids in your family will have each other much longer than they will have you. As parents, we have to do everything we can to make sure our kids have great relationships with each other. There are few things as fabulous as when you see your children showing love toward each other (without a parent "insisting" upon them showing love). Those moments of love only come when the relationships between siblings are nurtured with clear expectations and moral standards.

Super Moms, may you all be blessed the next time you hear "the sigh" from one of your kids!

FAMILY TRADITIONS!

A friend asked me to post about some traditions our family embraces. I grew up with a good number of traditions, and when my hubby and I started having children it was important to us that we create traditions for our family that encompass our beliefs, and some silly fun. So here are a few of our favorites:

New Year's Eve-We all stay awake until midnight (or let the kids go to sleep at their regular bed time, then wake them up at 11:45), drink apple cider in fancy glasses....yes, my real formal wine glasses.

New Year's Day: On New Years Day we open our "Good Memories" can (a coffee can decorated with drawings done on construction paper), and read all of the good things that happened to us the previous year. During the year, whenever something happens that we really want to remember, we scribble it down on a slip of paper with the date, fold it up, and put it in the can. It is fun to read all of the great things that happened to us the previous year. It is also a great way to remember to be thankful for everything we are blessed with!

Valentine's Day: hand-made valentine's for each child and heart shaped food throughout the day (pancakes, sandwiches, cookies, etc.)

St.Patrick's Day: green milk with green cookies.....green anything really

Easter: This is one of our favorite holidays, but also happens to be the holiday that has been so commercialized by easter bunnies and baby chicks, that for the majority of our community the "real" meaning of the holiday is lost. We work VERY hard to keep the real meaning of Easter (Christ's Resurrection) in focus. 
-We have an Easter memory game (purchased at Family Christian bookstore) that goes through the story of Easter. We keep it on our coffee table for a few weeks before Easter so the kids can play it whenever they want.
-We do an easter egg hunt using "Resurrection Eggs", plastic eggs filled with little trinkets that help tell the Easter story. We have one set for each child, so that every child gets every part of the story.
-Easter baskets do arrive easter morning....but they are from Jesus (not the easter bunny). If you are a follower of Jesus who has a problem with this because we are sell-outs on the easter basket issue....feel free to forgot you read this idea.
-Since, my hubby and I both work for our church, we are at church on Easter....that's a tradition, right?

4th of July: We all dress in red, white, and blue and go to a friend's house for dinner. Our main tradition is for the kids to get sparklers, and those annoying fire-cracker type things you throw on the ground and they "pop".

Halloween: Our least favorite "celebration"....no spooky decor....instead we decorate with Fall and harvest items. We do go trick-or-treating, but getting 4-kids-worth of candy is ridiculous, so the kids pick their 20 favorite and we donate the rest to soldiers through Project Gratitude.
-Our church has a tradition of doing "Trunk-or-Treat" which is very fun....the members decorate the trunks of their cars and the kids go trick-or-treating from trunk to trunk of the cars (the Sunday before Halloween)

Thanksgiving: Always with extended family.....we write one letter on slips of paper, fold them, and put them in a bag. Then we pass the bag around the dining table and everyone picks a letter. Which ever letter you get, you have to say something you are thankful for that starts with that letter.....it is fun to see our family get very creative with their answers. 
-Our family also has a couple of books that talk about Thanksgiving. Each year on the back cover, we all share what we are thankful for and write it down.

Christmas: Our favorite holiday! There are so many traditions linked to this time of the year. 
-The week before Christmas, we visit our local Candy Cane Lane (area of overly decorated houses.....my husband wishes we lived there) with friends.
-We have 24 books that all talk about the real meaning of Christmas (Christ being born, giving, family, kindness toward others). We have all of the book titles written on slips of paper that we fold, and put into a basket. Then each night, from Dec.1st through the 24th, the kids take turns picking one slip of paper that tells us which book to read before bed time. This is one of my favorite traditions!
-Advent calendar sleighs: I got these plain wooden sleighs 80% off one year after Christmas at Michael's. I painted each one my kids' favorite colors and decorated them with stickers, sequins, and other notions. The sleighs each have 24 small drawers that I fill with coins, small candies, stickers, balloons, etc....small things. Every morning from Dec. 1st-Dec. 24th, the kids open one drawer on the sleigh.
-We always read the books, Santa, Are You for Real?, by Howard Myra, and, The Story of St. Nicholas: More Than Reindeer and a Red Suit by Cheryl Odden. Our kids believe in Santa....the real St. Nick who loved Jesus and lives with him in heaven. Our kids know the "Santas" they see in stores and other places are not the real deal, but simply men in costumes because they want to remind us of the real St. Nick.
-A note on decorations: We only have a couple of Santa decorations out during the holiday (one given to me by my son who thought the Fisherman Santa was a great resemblance to my Dad who died a year and a half ago...."that" kind of Santa is okay in my book). I collect nativities and have them all around the house as constant visual reminders of what the season is all about.
-Each year I purchase one ornament for each child of something they were really "into" that year and I write the year on the ornament. When they are 18, they will get all of their ornaments and have a lovely collection of memories to share with their families.

Just because traditions....
-No Rules Dinner Night....this is one of our kids' favorites!!!! A few times a year, I make something messy to eat (Sloppy Joes or spaghetti) and we have a dinner where there are no rules at the dinner table. It is gross and not for the faint of heart! Burping, sitting/standing on the dining table, putting ones face into their plate of food to eat, rude manners, etc...anything goes (except passing gas, nose picking, and throwing food....sorry we have to have a "little" class).
-Glow Stick Baths: A few times a year we fill our bath tubs (2 tubs for 4 kids), ignite a whole bunch of glow sticks,  throw the glow sticks into the tubs, and turn off the lights.....and the kids bathe via the glow stick light.

PRINCESS Party!!!

We adopted one of our daughter's from Ethiopia when she was almost 5 years old. Up to that point, she had never had one of her birthdays celebrated. So, when she turned 6, we made sure her first-ever birthday party would be one to remember! After coming to America, she very quickly became enchanted by Disney Princesses. So for her birthday, she asked for a Princess Party! It was a very fun party to plan!!!

Invitations:
-I made scrolls by first painting 2 thin dowels with knobs on each end sparkly purple (2 dowels and 4 knobs for each invitation). Then I printed the invitations on legal size paper so they were long like a scroll. Then I rolled each scroll and tied it with a ribbon that had a small tag with the name of the priness being invited.

Here is the wording:

Hear ye! Hear ye!

By royal decree you are cordially invited to attend a

Grand Ball

Celebrating the 6^th Birthday of the Beautiful

Princess _________

of the Land of _________!

Please wear your most royal gown and have your carriage arrive on

Saturday, April 23^rd

to the Ba****d Castle (address)

The magical ball will begin when the clock strikes 12 and

your driver may arrive to return you home at 3:00.

A grand feast is being prepared, along with many other enchanting festivities. 

The castle must prepare for your arrival so the King and Queen request your RSVP no late than, April 16^th, at ____email/phone_______.

Decor:
-Red carpet (orientaltrading.com) up the driveway to the porch
-we covered our sofa, and coffee table with white sheets
-hung tulle from the ceiling of our living room and the ceiling of our dining area
-we sprinkled silk rose petals in the tulle (that was hanging) and all over the floor
-our big splurge was a "Scene Setter" we purchased at Party City. These are great if you need to cover a large wall and create an atmosphere. We got the Princess Ball Room version and it covered our 8 foot tall, 12 foot long wall in our living room....it really transformed our home into a "castle". It cost $20, but after the party, we hung it on one of the walls in our girls' bedroom.....it is still there 2.5 years later (I call that money well spent).

This is the best picture I have of the "Scene Setter" in the background

Arrival:
-It helps to have great brothers who are awesome about playing along....because as the guests arrived, they were greeted by 2 handsome princes dressed in suit pants, dress shirts, vests, ties, and crowns (the youngest brother even wore a pink shirt for his sister...that is love my friends). As the arriving princesses walked up the red carpet to our "castle", the oldest brother would open our front door and loudly announce, "Now announcing the arrival of Lady_______ (fill in the blank) from the Land of ________ (local city)". As they entered our living room, the youngest brother would approach each princess with a small pillow that we tied fancy princess rings to and would say, "Welcome to the ball, please pick a ring!"

-Then the guests went to a small table to decorate their goblet (found 2 packs of pink plastic goblets at the 99cent Store) with sticker jewels. Then, they placed their goblet on the table all set for the Grand Feast.

The guests could also get their nails painted and decorated at another table....a lady has to look perfect for a ball!

Food:

We had Grand Feast! PB&J sandwiches cut with a princess crown-shaped cookie cutter, fruit salad, cheese platter, veggie trays....all set on my best platters and tiered serving trays. 

-I made a special punch to drink from Sprite and sherbet. 

-At each place setting was a heart shaped plate (purchased for 20 cents when Target had Valentine's Day merchandise 90% off)....I gave my boys' my "formal" china (biggest wedding registry mistake)...I did not have the "heart" to make them eat on heart-shaped plates, a silk rose, and the goblet each princess made upon arrival.

Activities/Games:
We played games that focused on each Disney Princess. After each game, the guests received a special gem (a sparkly bead). After all of the games were played, the guests took all of their gems and made a bracelet.

The Games:

-Green Gem (Princess Tiana): Pin the Kiss on the Frog---I printed a clip art image from the movie on large paper, and lips to "kiss" the frog. 

-Blue Gem (Cinderella): Find the Glass Slipper---I found small plastic slippers (I think they were intended to be used for party favors for weddings) on orientaltrading.com and hid them in the backyard. There were enough for every princess to find one.

-Red Gem (Snow White): Pass the Poison Apple----Just like Hot Potato, but with a perfect red apple. We had a CD of Disney Princess music so we used that for the songs.

-Purple Gem (Repunzel)-Where is Repunzel's Hair?---The girls stood in a circle, one girl was “it” in the middle. The guests cupped their hands behind their backs, the girl who was "it" closed and covered her eyes, and I walked around the circle and secretly put a lock of Repunzels hair (yes...I chopped a chunk of hair off of one of my girls' dolls......shhhh, they never noticed) into the hands of one of the girls. The girl in the middle had to try to guess who had Repunzel's hair.

-Yellow Gem (Belle)-Find The Rose---I printed clip art images of roses and tucked them into various pages of books (since Belle loved to read) and had the guests flip through the books to find them

Princess making her Royal Bracelet (from all of the gems she collected during the games)

Cake: Store-bought "Disney Princess" cake from Sam's Club....cheap and easy. Real SUPER MOMS never feel guilty about store-bought items!

Party Favors:
-The bracelets the girls made with their special gems from the games
-Their goblet
-The silk rose from their place-setting
-The glass slipper from the Cinderella game
-We also had a candy bar and when each guest was ready to leave the ball, they were allowed to fill a small treat bag with the candies of their choice. All of the candies were purchased when the Valentine's Day candy was 90% off at Target....I did this candy bar for less than $10.

Candy Bar....I created large stickers on Microsoft Word using sticker paper (from Office Depot)
for the  "Mirror, Mirror on the wall..."

And they lived happily ever after......